05 April, 2010

And then shit went down... Literally.

After a shit morning of dark skies and pouring rain, the sun came out. So yesterday afternoon, Evelyn and I decided to enjoy the fleeting warmth and walk downtown for a little grocery shopping and a quick pop into the library. She took the opportunity to do her hair just so, showcase her new favorite dress, white Candie's heels (thanks a lot Colby Courter), and smear some blue eye shadow all over her face- because... of course she did.

On the way back, I snapped this picture of her, because she was just so happy- skipping along, perfectly content with life, strutting down the sidewalk in her heels, talking about flowers and which houses were her favorites. It was adorable and uncharacteristically pleasant.

And then shit went down... Literally.


"What? What happened?"

"Something stung me in the ear!"

"What do you mean? A bee? Oh no! Are you alright? Let me see..."

At this point, I lifted her hair back and saw a huge dripping mass of bird shit. What I thought was: Ohhhh... shit. But what I said was: "Ohhhhh..."

"What? WHAAAAT?! WHAT IS IT?! Mommy, it's WET IN MY EAR!"

"Ummm... I think you have some bird poop there."

Cue instant tears, laughter, anger, smiling, and hysterics. Simultaneously (because she's my child).


"It's not a big deal... we're almost home anyway. You can take a shower as soon as we get there."

"You don't even CARE because you're not the one that got POOPED ON!"

"Of course I care. Everyone gets pooped on at some point."

"You didn't."

"Maybe I did before you were born."

"Really?" *sniffle*

"Maybe..." *No, not really*

"Well, what if I get rabies?"

"You can't get rabies from bird poop- they just eat little bugs and berries and worms... they don't eat rabid, gross stuff. It's all just squished berries in your hair! Probably blueberries."

"MOM! You don't know about rabies because they don't have rabies in Hawaii! I know all about them! It was probably a vulture that pooped on me because it ate an old dead animal with rabies and now it's in my hair and in my EAR! Birds have rabies in their stomachs! RABIES, not BLUEBERRIES! I read a book called "All About Rabies" by John McCain."

"John McCain, huh?"

"Well, maybe it was William... Mc...M'Hale...john...cain... SOMETHING! Anyway, I read it and I know all about it, and I have it!"

"You're sending pictures of the poop to people, aren't you?"

Please note in the above photo: The opened package of paper towels (used in my attempt to clean bird poop off of her), and the opened package of vanilla wafers (used in my attempt to console her with sugar).

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