30 September, 2009
So things have been a little hectic lately. Maybe even weird. I feel like someone flipped me upside down, shook me out and set me upright again, and now I'm just trying to shake off the dizzy spell and get my bearings. There's so much going on all at once and my emotions are in hyper-drive. Remember "Flight of the Navigator"? I'm David right now. Yeah, it's confusing. To make matters worse, my dad got mad about something really ridiculous and hung up on me today. Hung up on me. It hurt my feelings, but then I thought, You're old! You're not allowed to throw tantrums and hang up on people when you're old! Weirdo... And then I thought... Weirdo... Old... Tantrums... HST. King Weirdo himself. King of rolling with it; embracing it. Maybe I'm looking at all of this the wrong way. Maybe at his age, my dad's entitled to throw a fit now and then. Maybe at my age, it's okay for life to shake me up a bit from time to time. Maybe I needed to be reminded that I'm not in charge- that I'm just along for a ride and at best I'm allowed to steer once in a while.
"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt."
Maybe he had it wrong. Couldn't he have embraced his sassy old man-ness, thrown a little tantrum and slammed the phone down on someone? Couldn't he have taken a walk, kicked at a peacock, shot at some inanimate demons and jumped in a pond naked? Because really, how serious is any of this? Isn't it all just helping us along to who we're meant to become? And how will we ever know what's underneath it all if we give up and give in to the chaos?
I want to enjoy as much as I can and just... be happy. The effort is finding happiness in the navigation itself; but I'm working on it, one weird moment at a time.
It'll be ok. It'll be great. Embrace it as it comes. Embrace the uncertainty and the challenges, because they're life, they're the thing, not just the path to something bigger... better... more. Be grateful.
"You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."