Reply to: mail to:email@example.com
subject=donut shop diva
Date: 2008-02-14, 2:12PM PST
You, a petite little princess. I noticed you as soon as you walked into my doughnut shop. When I say "my" doughnut shop I don't mean that I own it. What I mean is that it's my hang out spot. I write my poetry there while I drink their low grade overpriced coffee out of a Styrofoam cup. Oh, and I eat doughnuts too. Like seven or eight while I'm there writing. But, it's not really "writing" so much as it is crafting or sculpting. Creating a poem is far more labor intensive than carving an ugly little woman out of marble. Ah, I digress…
When you came into my doughnut shop my heart stopped for a brief moment. Not because of your beauty, but because of the little beast dragging behind you. I knew you and I were meant to be together the very second I saw that you had a French Bulldog in tow. I overheard you call him Nuno (rhymes with Bruno) and I can only assume you thoughtfully named him after Nuno Bettencourt, the beloved long haired rocker from one of the best bands to emerge from, what I like to call, the era of hair-a, EXTREME. I too, am a proud owner of a dog breed that I have endeared with the following moniker: "Totally Tarded But Cuter Than Cute With A Snort More Powerful Than A Whale." Hanging just below where Nuno's tail should have been I couldn't help but notice his enormous scrotum, which was another sign that we HAVE TO meet. What my Frenchie lacks in scrotum, she more than makes up for with her ready and willing Frengina. Our little doggies should mate! I have no doubt in my mind that they would make a wonderful pair whose progeny would be the most precious salivating snorers this side of Bakersfield.
As for you and I…well, you ordered a sprinkled doughnut and one of those gay chai things, so I just don't think you and I would work out. Of course, I wouldn't be opposed to a meeting that consisted of ridiculously wonderful no strings attached meaningless sexy time.
You know where to find me.
Re. donut shop diva
Reply to: "mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
subject=Re. donut shop diva
Date: 2008-02-14, 3:46PM PST
Donut shop Casanova...
Just as I was about to post a "missed connection" for you, I happily discovered that you had beaten me to the punch. I noticed you right away, mulling over "Youth in Revolt" in a most UN-revolting way, and I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we made "eyes" for a moment before you turned away to admire my well-endowed Frenchie. As you turned your head, your hair tousled like Mark Bolan during an encore of "20th Century Boy" and I felt my knees go soft. Your "wings" took my breath away. My dog was clearly smitten as well, and he has the most intuitive taste in men. Take it as a compliment that he sniffed your leg and a little tinkle came out.
As for you and I, well... Nuno and his magnificent scrotum were the fortuitous recipients of that rainbow sprinkled donut and the "gay chai thing"- which I'm sure you noticed, I ordered with air-quotes (just to make the Vietnamese clerk's day)... But to my dismay you ordered the pink, frosting-encrusted mess on the second shelf. Is that because it matched your "ALEX MADONNA LIVES" T-shirt, or the paint job on your car? Either way, I hesitate to further pursue a pepto-pink loving Mark Bolan lookalike such as yourself without (at the very least) the suggestion of flagrant, dirty, sexy time and arms full of Valentine's day offerings. Regardless...
I want you.
I'll find you.
Be ready with the economy pack of fun-time thingies.
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