Military gone soft...

Kind of adoring this feminine take on military jackets... Over florals? What a sweet way to transition from the sun-dresses of Summer to the darker palette of Fall.

Oldies but (major) goodies, by Scott Schuman:

Photo source

In response to Eli... on trends.

Eli, over at Thrift Eye recently commented on the "Florals for Spring" post, and my response to her seemed to inject itself with steroids, grow extra limbs and just generally Jabba the Hut all over the place, so... naturally, I thought it best to share it here.

Eli's perfectly normal, unassuming comment:

"But you used to be or still are a buyer for a store right? That brings upon the duality of trend forecasting much like magazines do I would imagine. Magazines criticize the same hypocrisy they represent. If it's not flowers for spring it's stripes, or dots, or whatever then floral all over again! This is why I'm much more apt to wear what I like and looks good on me and not follow trends. In fact, I think the trend right now and maybe for the 2010's is to not follow a trend?

I personally love flowers...and generally think millions or billions of others do too. Why else would Liberty of London still exist?!"

My unbelievably long, ranting, tangent of a response (sorry):

I totally agree with you, Eli. I buy for stores in California, Hawaii, and Arizona- and yes, as such I am slave to the trend forecasting Gods. We're often buying more than a year out. But you know what? It's all just soooo cyclical and after a while... predictable. This gives many buyers an attitude of: "We make the trends... WE determine what will be available to the public next season/next year..." And to an extent, they're right, because often a particular style won't even go into production if the presale figures are weak. Though it can be very redundant, I have to look at each collection with a fresh and neutral palate because I'm not buying for myself- I'm buying to appeal to women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and lifestyles. I'm paid to predict, but in doing so I have to consider the woman who will ultimately see an item in a shop window and stop in her tracks. Where will she be in 12 months? WHO will she be? What editorial, celebrity, weather, or colors will appeal to her? What music will she listen to? What car will she drive? Who does she go home to at night? How does she earn her money, and (most relevant) how will she choose to spend it?

Personally, I wear whatever the heck I want, whenever I want (often to my own detriment- but happily), and in my everyday life I am absolutely immune to what's hip or trendy at the moment. To be honest, I find that the more loose and unaffected I can keep myself, the better my buying and long term trending radar (and thus next years' sales figures) will be. Also, it might seem obnoxious to say this, but when you're exposed to so many collections so far in advance, what's trending "now" really loses its impact. By the time I finally see the product on a hanger, in the store- it's old news. But it's the way this fashion machine works, and it's really all we've got in terms of steering customers down the path that will lead to the highest revenue. Through trends, the industry shoves its ominous mantra down consumer's throats: "Oooh.... Hurry up and wear your stripes while you can... polka dots are riiiight around the cornerrrr!" Ummm... Are my stripes going to self-destruct next month, or run away from home when the polka dots show up? I can't tell you how much I hate that mentality. I also hate perpetuating the gross consumerism and waste that trends produce in my occupation. It's probably the single most difficult aspect of my job, and will certainly be my downfall- which is why I'm so in love with your approach and the concept you project with your own blog.

I grew up in a really unique situation, with my mother selling vintage couture in one room, and my auntie selling ridiculously high-end contemporary apparel in the next. Under one roof! It definitely molded a unique perspective on the appreciation of quality clothing, upcycling, and care. I learned at a very young age that though trends are fleeting, they always come back. The smartest way to buy is always the very best quality you can afford- whether it's fresh from the manufacturer, or a vintage treasure. And always, ALWAYS hang on to those rare gems that fit you like a glove, flatter you, and make you feel like the prettiest girl in the room.

I'll just slip on my hypocrite hat for a sec here and say, that if I could sit a room full of customers down, I'd ask them to really consider the impact of following trends and to ask themselves before they buy: Is it worthy of the space in your closet? On our planet? Who are you buying it for- the salesgirl who says you look great in it? Your friend who mentioned it? The magazine that said you should? Anna Wintour? Unless the answer is "me", I'd advise them to just say "no". Trends are our obnoxious, money-making, way of controlling you. What's most flattering is an attitude of wearing what you truly love- what truly appeals to you, regardless of outside influence. Confidence, individualism, and knowing yourself and your body is the essence of creating a "signature" look that expresses who you really are. And that, my friend, is the one enduring trend that never goes out of style.

She's mixing!!!

Pattern mixing comes and goes in various incarnations- like all things fashion-related... but I'm so happy to welcome it back like an old friend. While it's not for everyone, I absolutely adore this look for Spring. It reminds me of that carefree (read: naïve) feeling of being a little kid and mixing your very favorite pink floral puff-sleeved blouse with your very favorite Sanrio Keroppi-printed stretch pants and a hair ribbon tied around your waist as a belt. You know, hypothetically... *ahem*

Anyway, it's awesome. It feels very loose, and Springy, and... not-taking-yourself-so-damn-seriously! My favorite.

Lauren Santo-Domingo is killing me with her hotsy totsy gold heels for daytime,
with floral pencil skirt and (oh my gosh, you know it's real) python bag. Damn, girl!

Parisian princess goes to the office? Yes, please!
Polka dots and red lips make me swoony.

I never, ever include commentary on menswear, but I'm pretty sure this
guy raided his adorbs girlfriend's closet so he could look equally adorbs.
The marinières striped shirt would've been so cute with the khaki pants, but he
took it to another level when he threw on the embroidered floral jacket. Amazing.

This girl is my favorite, by far.
Leopard leggings, stripey shirt and her bike?!
Also, I'm pretttty sure those are the Tom Ford Anouk glasses...
Hello, soft spot!

Again, not my usual fare- and I have this weird thing about men in bracelets...
but look at his stripey/polka dotty goodness!
He's even pulling off the striped shirt with the pinstriped suit!
Also, who would ever guess that this suited-up Italian would have a
gnarly tattoo up his sleeve??? I love this contradictory attitude so much-
it's really what the heart of this trend is all about. Bravo, sir. :)

Photo source: 1-5

Military gone soft...

Kind of adoring this feminine take on military jackets... Over florals? What a sweet way to transition from the sun-dresses of Summer to the darker palette of Fall.

Oldies but (major) goodies, by Scott Schuman:

Photo source

DEAR VICE - FASHION-FORWARD IS FUCKING BACKWARD

I just caught this at viceland.com and felt compelled to share. I'm not sure if this is as funny for you as it is for me... but being immersed in this stupid industry every day (not to mention being a girl), can really make you take fashion way too seriously; so this just made my day.
Thanks Vice. Thanks Darby.

Enjoy. :)

"Dear Vice,

Contemporary female fashion has reached a nadir unseen since Chinese foot binding and artificial cranial deformation. The third millennium, for whatever reason, has spurred clothing designers and the women who buy their wares to completely eschew the basic principles of aesthetics in lieu of the conceptual. It has been happening for quite some time on the runways, but I believe this is the first instance in history where utility and attractiveness have quite literally been chucked out the window in the name of fashion-forward pipe dreams.

All it takes is a stroll down a busy street of any major metropolitan city to see what I’m talking about. Women, it seems, have been erroneously convinced that it is OK to ignore what actually looks good on their bodies and purchase (or, at the very least, desire) clothing that stimulates their brains in a way that makes them think, “Oh, wow, I can’t actually believe they sell something like this and that I had the audacity to buy it. LOOK AT ME, WORLD!”

Well, ladies, here is my take on why a large portion of you dress poorly. And, just in case you’re wondering, the reason I am qualified to talk about this is because I have eyes, a penis, and a preference for things that look flattering without explanation. Take that, you fucking eye-rapers.

Drop-crotch Pants

Is there a FUPA epidemic at the moment? Have they added an additional ingredient to fluoridated water that reacts with estrogen, which has resulted in an increased incidence of overly inflated guts and unsightly muffin tops? This is the only logical reason I can surmise for the current popularity of drop-crotch pantaloons and jodhpurs outside of equestrienne settings. What kind of woman can try these on, look in the mirror, and wholeheartedly believe she looks good in them? And don’t even get me started on the fags who’ve appropriated these for men. About the only thing these pants have going for them is that they illicit entertaining rhetorical questions. Here are a few more inquiries you can direct toward drop-crotch-wearing weirdos a la Al Jaffee’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions, except the pants are a stupid answer and your question is snappy (or something like that): Might you have a penis that you are trying to hide? Do you enjoy inconspicuously shitting your pants? Are you incubating a joey in there? Was the impetus for this style a person who tried to wear a shirt as pants? When you fart with these on, does the stench get trapped in there? Are you Aladdin?

Zany Alexander McQueen Shoes and All That They Have Inspired

If these are the type of unwearable apparel this guy was making while he was alive, I don’t think humanity is going to miss him very much after the barnacles and leeches have sucked dry the PR collateral of his untimely passing. Oh, am I being harsh? Too bad. These shoes are fucking harsh, as in they will jar your senses when you try to walk in them and end up gashing your forehead open on a staircase. I’m all for women wearing high heels (because it makes their asses look nice and lengthens their legs—two utilitarian AND attractive concepts I can thoroughly get behind), but shoes are arguably the most important and functional article of clothing. What’s the point if they make you walk like a giraffe who just huffed ethanol? There isn’t one, so stop wearing these types of shoes please. They look like Spuds MacKenzie designed them using his snout as inspiration.

Big, Furry Hats

This trend seemed to begin a few years ago, and I specifically remember walking down 6th Avenue and spotting what appeared to be a woman walking with a Pekingese balancing on her head. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was a hat and that she was not blind or mentally impaired. I wrote it off as a joke until a few days later when I saw another young lady—this time a loose acquaintance—wearing an even bigger puff of fur atop her melon. I laughed in her face and when she asked what I was chuckling about I pointed to her head. She frowned and became irate that I would dare make fun of her new $350 piece of headgear. I guess that’s what you get for trying to help people these days. To be clear: I am not speaking of the aviator-style hats that many men and women also seem to be donning these days. They are also ridiculous, but not nearly as idiotic as the fur-trader variety that makes the wearer look like a giant walking Q-tip. I challenge anyone to look me in the eye (or even leave a comment below) and make a good argument for why these things aren’t an elaborate, systematic prank being executed by the fashion industry. Go on, I dare you.

Jeggings

Jeans, by definition, are supposed to have pockets and a zipper, or a button fly. Leggings are supposed to be form-fitting garment—thicker than stockings but thinner than traditional pants—that look good with pretty much any outfit. Combining the two, you get something you’d figure only single mothers of two buy for a girl’s night out that ends with their face in a puddle of vomit and their kids demanding Cheerios at 3 AM because “Mommy woke them up.” Then, after taking a spin on your respective Champs-Élysées or Madison Avenue, you realize that even the young and supposedly chic have embraced this gruesome Frankenstein of fashion. The unholy union of these two types of pants should not only be illegal, preachers should warn against their dangers in their sermons. Breaking news: According to my sources (the internet), the latest in jeggings technology has indued them with zippers and pockets. This doesn’t change anything. Why not just wear tight-fitting jeans? There is no good answer to this question other than “Because I have no taste.”

Shorts & Tights

This matchup is the equivalent of sliding a lamb intestine over a condom. And it probably smells about the same in there, too. At first glance, it appears the logic is the same as with the droopy crotch crowd—covering up a dumper the wearer is self-conscious about. But, taking a closer look, I have seen many fine and grope-worthy butts sealed inside the musty cotton-and-lycra mausoleum of shorts on top of tights. If you’re cold, wear thicker tights or jeans or additional layers that fully cover your legs—not shorts. If you haven’t yet, ask your mom about this particular style sometime. She will say it is dumb—I promise.

Ultra-high-waisted pants

If a girl has an impeccable ass, maybe, MAYYYYBEEE, she will look good in a pair of these, depending on the particular cut and style. But only, and I must stress only, if the symmetry of her butt cheeks is perfect and each half of the buttocks is separated and presented as an wonderfully oval mound of flesh. Most women, however, wear these because they believe high-waisters create an optical illusion—that their lower-belly pudge will be less noticeable if the waist of their pants is moved past their navels. Please, ladies, celebrate your squishy little bellyette (as long as you’re not obese). I like to hold on to it when I have sex with you because a) it’s a useful grip and b) it’s funny. Don’t think for a second that your pants are tricking me into thinking that your hips start right below your breasts. If they did, that would be weird, and, regardless, when you take those pants off everything’s just going to go flopping around anyway. Imagine how much more disappointed the person who sees you naked will be then.

Outfits Based on Diane Keaton Circa Annie Hall

The only way this look is OK is if you are a woman who is trying to attract Jewish momma’s boys or other women by looking more masculine than them. If you fall into either of these categories, I’m sure this works extremely well. Otherwise, put on a fucking dress please. Is it really that hard? I have to put on pants every day. Or wear some jeans or slacks or a skirt or whatever makes you feel good about your ass. I don’t care. Just leave the tie and (AGAIN!) the stupid hats at whichever stores sell ties and dumb hats to women. What’s more, lady blazers only work under very specific circumstances. I’m not going to get into those here because they should be painfully obvious. But if you frequently look like a display model at Ann Taylor Loft, chances are you should reevaluate a few things about your clothing preferences.

Gladiator/Sandal boots

We’ve experienced 2,500 years of evolution since their invention and modern women are actually choosing to tromp around in the standard issue footwear of Roman legionary soldiers. Authentic caligae (their name comes from Emperor Gaius whose nickname, Caligula, translates to “little boot”) have hobnails hammered into their soles. Ladies, can you guess why one would hammer nails into the soles of sandals? Because it makes it easier to stomp babies’ faces and women who will not submit to rape. What a fashion statement you’re making by wearing them in this day and age! But seriously, besides all of that, they’re uglier than an elephant’s asshole. They were also officially trendy in 2005, so if you’re wearing them now chances are you picked them up at Payless. Also, it seems that women with cankles think they’re puling a fast one by using these as a sort of calf girdle. In reality, this tactic backfires because they make your lower legs look like a whole beef tenderloin wrapped in twine. Don’t wear them, and tell everyone you know who owns a pair to burn them and bury their remains in a cemetery.

Of course, there are many other offensive modern styles. This is but a sampling. If you feel I’ve left anything out, please call notice to the particularly offensive trend in the comments below. Thank you!"

DARBY BUICK

Monday, April 5, 2010 at 11:55 am